14 June 2009
Last week I began to share with you the story of how, once upon a time, I came to change my life and change it so drastically. How does one up and leave a comfy life in the States for a not-so-comfy life in an unknown country? How does one decide to leave that which is sure to go toward that which is unsure?
My leap of faith began (as you now know) not as a sudden decision or some big show of daring and bravado, but as a morning's walk in darkness. And it was on the heels of those footsteps in the dark that others began: baby steps to be sure, but solid and sure, that would just as slowly and surely lead me down the path to my new life.
The thoughts that had come to me in those morning hours at the Abbey had not struck me as incredibly profound at the time. I had gone to the Abbey, like most people, hoping that God would put up a big sign in the sky that said, "Hey, Chania Girl, this is what you are supposed to do with your life: Fill In Gap Here." So this revelation--that I just had to trust the path I was on--was comforting but didn't hold my imagination the way seeing my destiny written in fireworks in the sky might have.
That Monday morning at the end of my retreat, I got into my car and slowly rolled along the drive back out to the highway. I headed back to my "normal" life without dreading it the way I had four days before.
Here's how the path continued to reveal itself to me, as I tried out my legs on this new ground ...
November 2005
I have turned in my resignation from the corporation where I work, and today is my last day. For the last month I have walked around on cloud nine, unable to keep the smile off my face at the prospect of my leaving.
People keep coming by my desk asking me what my next plans are. I tell them, "I don't have any," and I don't. The still, small voice in my heart is a bit louder now, and it has told me not to line anything up but to rest and see what the Universe has in store for me.
I make my final calls and turn in my last reports; the last faxes are sent out, and my desk is cleaned. I walk out feeling like Atlas with the weight of the world removed. I hop into my car, and I am free.
Four days later, I turn 30. I feel more alive than I ever have, more certain that my life is now full of possibilities. I am more excited than I am nervous. More anxious to see what comes next than fearful that something won't. I wine and dine with friends. I visit an art exhibition featuring amazing women at the local contemporary art gallery. I read books and listen to Joni Mitchell and John Denver. I feel at home in my own skin.
flickr photo by petrischaDecember 2005
It is almost Christmas, the season of Advent in my church. Everyone is waiting with baited breath for the arrival of something big, and I am too. I am beginning to be nervous and jittery. I know I have done the right thing but … something needs to happen already. Money is a concern, so I take on a part-time job at the mall helping in seasonal sales. It isn't bad, but it isn't great. My still, small voice tells me to believe, but I am struggling.
I call my priest, Linda. I tell her what is going on. She says, "Well, this is what Advent's all about, sweetie. The season of preparation, the season of darkness before light." I am not sure I am comforted.
Christmas 2005
It is Christmas. Advent is over and the Christ-child has arrived. Everyone's hopes have been fulfilled. People are happy and rejoice.
I rejoice, too. I have received a call from my church offering me a part-time job on a six-month contract starting in the new year. It is enough money to pay the bills and gives me flexible hours that still allow me plenty of time to focus on the matter of me and my vocation. I accept immediately and give thanks that this gift has arrived. Merry Christmas to me!
April 2006
I now have only two months left on my contract at the church and find myself still exploring options. I want to do something I love. I want to do something with purpose and meaning. But what is it? WHAT IS IT? I do career assessments, I chart my creative successes, I Myers-Briggs myself to death, and nothing is leaping out at me. I wander the shelves of my mind, searching for the job that has my name on it. Then I walk further back into my mental storage closet and begin taking stock, and it's there I see something on the back shelf that's been sitting there for a while. I take it out, brush it off, and read the writing on the jar. I discover that it's still interesting. I discover that it still intrigues me. And I realize that, at this point in my life, it may actually finally be do-able: I want to teach. I want to travel. I am finally going to do both.
June 2006
It is a June morning and I am on a plane to Germany, where I will spend a week before I alight in Crete . The sound of U2's Pride fills my ears, and my heart soars as the plane leaves the ground. I cry sweet tears of joy. I am going to Greece! I am going to train to be a TEFL teacher! Then I can go anywhere in the world, which is exactly what I intend to do.
What about you?
Do you have any dreams on the back shelf of your mind?
Have you taken them out and brushed them off lately and really looked at them?
What are some baby steps you've taken when testing the path of faith?
Do you have any dreams on the back shelf of your mind?
Have you taken them out and brushed them off lately and really looked at them?
What are some baby steps you've taken when testing the path of faith?
All of your comments are welcome.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
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26 comments:
I love all you share
Jeanne♥
yes - great story. And that was two years ago? A Greece still. Its very liberating your tale. thanks for sharing.
I mean every day to look at the dreams on the back shelf of my mind, however so far haven´t managed. I am not sure when I will either, however I loved this post as I won´t give up my dream of having dreams...
What do I want to be for the rest of my life?
So interesting because I was JUST discussing my dreams with my therapist this afternoon. I've come to the realization that I'd really like to study psychology but I'm also aware that I cannot afford it. My therapist suggested I look for jobs or universities that will pay for my education, which was a GREAT idea. I'm going to do some research this afternoon... baby steps!
PS - There is NO way you're over 30. NO way. I just couldn't believe that when I read it!
Hi Chania Girl,
I continue to be pulled in by your story, and your faith in making this leap. There is a certain amount of courage that is required to take bold steps like this - and you're showing us here - that we can - if we follow our heart.
Me? I'm taking some baby steps right now - steps up in a direction I want to go. It's exciting...
I like your 'personal diary'.
This is not very exciting but blogging is a step for me. It's a way to open my mind, learn and make contact with people around the world.
I feel as though I'm on the brink of a discovery but I don't know what it is yet. I'm willing to give it time.
Recently, a thought came to me that I may already be doing it and not know it.
Your life story inspires me to hope and keep vigilant.
@Jeanne: Thank you, Jeanne. So glad you enjoyed the post.
@getting stuff done: Three years ago! And there is still more to tell! I'm glad that you are enjoying it and find it "liberating"--a wonderful word and exactly how I felt.
@RML: You know, the dream that I pulled off of that back shelf was a dream that I had periodically taken out over the years and looked at. But the time was never right. Or my finances were never in order. Or some such something. There were big gaps in the years between when I would actually take this dream down and look at it. But then one day the time was finally right, and there was nothing holding me back.
Just because a dream is on a shelf doesn't mean that cannot or will not ever come to fruition. It just may not be time yet. And I every much believe too that sometimes the dream is ready bu we aren't.
I hope you will continue to believe in yourself and your dreams, even to allow yourself to have that "back shelf" is something because it preserves the idea of possibility so necessary for one day actually seeing them come true.
Thank you so much for your support and your comments as one of my most regular commenters. I look forward to you stopping by each day.
@positively present: Hi, PP! I am so excited for you and what you've shared here today. Baby steps are such exciting steps and, truth be told, you have no idea where they may lead. Really. Like you may set off looking to go back to school for a degree in psychology but find yourself doing something you hadn't even thought of. What I mean is, these steps of ours have to begin with us having an idea of what we're seeking, but I've discovered that sometimes the Universe knows better than we do what the best fulfillment of that is. It might be what we set out for, but it might be something entirely different.
I'm not saying not to pursue this because I think it's outstanding and am totally cheering you on. I think you know yourself and your heart very well. I am instead saying (very awkwardly - ack!) to just remember to be open to other things that may present themselves along the way ... and to not try to see too far along the path in front of you. Yes?
Am rooting for you every (baby) step of the way!
p.s. You are too kind but, yes, I am over 30. My profile pic was taken when I was 31. This is what living a happy life does to you. I look older in my 25-year-old pictures from when I was working in the corporate world than I do now. Swear to God! :)
@Lance: Hi, my friend! Am so happy to see you hear today and so glad to hear that you are pulled in by this story. It is not over yet, and there are still a few more steps for me to share ... not to mention that this path just keeps unfolding and unfolding and unfolding anyway. :)
The baby steps that you're taking are so much larger than you can imagine, and I would very much like to hear more about this new direction in your life. So happy for you, Lance, and so blessed to be blessed by you. I have faith in you and for you, my friend. What a journey!
@Paisley: Baby steps are not meant to be exciting, love. :) And your journey through blogging is as uniquely you as your blog itself. You have chosen to express yourself creatively and put yourself out there into a world that may or may not embrace you. But it looks like you are being embraced, and that support can go a long way to boosting your confidence and helping you continue to make those baby steps that eventually become big leaps.
I love that you feel you are on the brink of something. I know that feeling (as do a lot of our other fellow bloggers) and it's a wondrous feeling. So glad that you have the patience to give it time: it can be maddening to wait but so worth it in the end.
When you say that you may already be doing it and not know it, you may be right. That retreat I took to the Abbey? I didn't see that at as my turning point, my stepping out on a new path, until months after the fact. But when I began to reflect on what I'd learned that weekend at the Abbey and then looked at the events of my life over the months that followed, I saw that that's where it all begun. I was doing it and hadn't known it!
Thank you for your kind words and for your support and encouragement. You are a consistent supporter and reader of my blog, and for that I am grateful. I am inspired by you!
This is wonderful! The best is that you followed your heart...you listened to that voice of your soul (and not the one in your head filling you with doubt). Continue to follow this...for the rest of your life! Keep us posted on your continued journey...
p.s. drop by my new blog...
Chania Girl, I just adore your writing. :) Thank you for sharing your inspiring story.
You are so right. Often we're making our baby steps without even realizing it, to not try to anticipate the path so much as to imagine the goal, and to keep a sure grip on faith and confidence. Also, even though we may know these things, reminders are always, always welcome. ...at least, until we become experts at living this way in every moment of every single day. ;)
@Caroline: Hi, Caroline. It's so good to "see" you. Thank you for your continued support and for the encouragement your comments give me. I will pop by your new blog soon. Can't imagine it would be anything but lovely. :)
@Julie: Hi, Julie. I am so appreciative to you for your compliment about my writing: thank you! I love the end of your comment where you state that reminders are always welcome. This is so true and just goes to show that the steps we take are not steps taken in isolation. And the people around us are just as much a part of us "remembering who we are" as we are. Now ... as for living in every moment this way ... I've still got a long way to go. You? :-)
Hi Chania Girl,
I love following the story of your journey. Life has a way of setting up twists and turns that we often miss if we're in too big of a hurry.
Like Paisley, I too, feel blogging is taking me on an uncharted journey. Although I don't know where it will lead, I'm enjoying every step of the ride. So far, it's been more awesome than I could have ever imagined. I can't wait to see what's in store.
@Barbara: "Life has a way of setting up twists and turns that we often miss if we're in too big of a hurry." But, oh, isn't it hard sometimes not to be in a hurry? Or to not want to see what lies just ahead, or just round the bend? One of the things I am perpetually learning is patience. I think this will always be true. :0)
Another lovely post and photo - thank you! You know from what I named my blog that I love hearing about other people's journeys as well as sharing my own. It's what life is all about, big steps, little steps - they're all the moments that make a life. I'm enjoying being part of yours! That's why dialogues in comment boxes are as important to me as blog posts themselves; they're a great way to get to know lots of people a little bit at a time.
But I have one thing to shout at you, my friend, all the way across Europe....John Denver and Joni Mitchell!!! We are so meant to meet some day!
Thanks for YOUR input and support. My dreams are alive and I will find them again- and achieve them!
My husband and I dream of a house on a lot of land in the country in a country that we love- could be any of a few. We dream of having our kids around and having space to follow our creative dreams... Mustn´t lose sight of that... :)
LOL, Chania Girl... "Now ... as for living in every moment this way ... I've still got a long way to go. You? :-)" I think I've many lifetimes yet ahead of me in which I'll get to practice this lesson! :) I'm always always reminding myself to keep dreams and hope and faith and confidence firmly in place. That's why my blog's footer isn't going anywhere soon; it's there so I see it every day.
And you know what? Each time I'm lifted and re-inspired by all the encouraging reminders offered by so many wonderful writers, like you, the burst of excitement that ensues is absolutely delightful. Hopes and dreams become brand new, fresh, and enticing all over again!
I can SO relate to your story in more than one way!
I too felt the relief, excitement and joy of leaving a corporate job to do, well, I didn't know. I had so many people say/intimate I was crazy for leaving a "great" job and have nothing to go to. One of the best decisions I've made.
I also went through the "I need to find something meaningful and purposeful" phase. I was done with the meaningless corporate ladder scrambling.
After a few false starts and an intensive life coaching program, I feel I am now living my purpose - helping people through my own life lessons, giving to those less fortunate and bringing people together to do great things.
I still have a long way to reach my vision but I'm definitely on my way.
Am loving reading about your story Chania Girl. Thanks!
@Janice: I have no doubt in my mind that we will meet someday. It just seems inevitable. I can't wait!
@RML: What a beautiful dream you have, love. Keep it, cherish it, nurture it. Have you read my old post "Notebook of Dreams"? Might inspire you a little ...
@Julie: I've been having a rough time of it lately but must admit that were it not for the encouragement I receive from our blogging community towards positivity, belief, faith and hope, things would be a lot harder. Thank you for your own support and encouragement to me. It is very much valued and appreciated.
@Sami: I've enjoyed reading your story, too, and am glad to have a step like this in common. Wasn't it an amazing feeling to step out of that corporate mold? I just wasn't meant for it. I'm grateful for what you're putting back into the world, inasmuch as I am privy to it in the words of your blog. :0)
I have recently, once again, stopped taking all the medication and believing that I have all these medical problems. I am working with healing herbs and meditation
If I can hold my beliefs in my sight at all times, I know I can achieve success. I have always taken bold steps and rarely had regrets - often no money!
I so enjoyed reading your journey and your a lovely story teller. I so appreciated your writing on my post today and sharing your story and beliefs there too.
Thank you
I believe that going to Scotland and walking there will be part of my healing experience - 20 years saving for this trip - ah I think I know why.
@Patricia: I sincerely hope that this trip to Scotland will make its way into your blog. I believe it will be life-changing for you, and I am eager to hear (read) about it.
Hi Chania Girl!
This is amazing - now all the pieces fit a bit more to me about what you spoke of in the other blog posts! Good for you!!! You took a chance, you grew and you got closer to knowing who you are and why you are here.
You know we do not have to have it all figured out, even till the end, because living everyday IS the purpose above all things.
I find that when we serve others - this is the greatest purpose one can ever attain. We will find happiness no matter what!
So again I applaud you for your journey! I am in fact taking perhaps of a similar journey myself now...not going to another country but definitely leaving behond the familiar.
And I see you already found the award...I did not get a chance to tell you about it first :)
Love your writing and thank you so much for sharing!
@Evita: Hi, Evita. So glad you were able to stop by. I am excited for you and this new journey you're on into a place unfamiliar. We do not have to know every step we will take or where it all will lead, but we do need a bit of courage and faith to keep making those steps each day. From your blog, I feel that you have these in abundance.
Thanks so much for your kind words CG! I so love our community. Everyone supports everyone. It's a beautiful thing!
It really was amazing to step out of the corporate mould. Scary but awesome at the same time. I wasn't meant for it either. It seriously was one of the best decisions I've made.
Hi Chania Girl. Your story is engaging. What's so engaging about the story is that while in it, you are going with the flow, searching and on an adventure...following your heart. This is inspiring.
What baby steps have I taken toward my dream? I've continued to test myself by living off my savings while building two businesses. Trusting that I will be fine -- and I have been. And, blogging is a baby step as I "know" there is a writing project in my future.
Your story is so inspiring.
@Sami: You know, since I left the corporate world behind, I've left the clothes behind too. I've got nothing anymore that's remotely business or business casual. I'm either wearing dresses or jeans!
@Davina: Good on you, love, for following your dream and for living "faithfully." For me it is sometimes incredibly scary (when I let my mind start dwelling on what I'm "really" doing), but it is also a wonderful building of trust and hope. Have you found the same?
@Vered: Thank you, Vered. I am so glad to have your support.
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