26 June 2009
I spent my time at the gym today reading fashion magazines to make the minutes on the treadmill pass by a little faster. In addition to the usual doses of how to improve my skin, boost my sex life, close my pores, lose pounds in minutes, and reorganize the clutter of my life, I was pleased to note that there were at least two or three articles about slowing down, stopping and focusing on the "haves" in our lives, instead of what we "have not." This is such a change from what these magazines were spouting 10 years ago that I was pleased to see it. But I couldn't help but close the magazine and think, "Why can't most of the magazine be about inner beauty instead of outer beauty?" Well … I guess because then it wouldn't be a fashion/beauty magazine!
Pick one up, and you're asking for it: the down and dirty on how your life doesn't measure up, replete with "deals" for the budget-conscious that still leave me wondering, "Where the heck do these people shop?" But that's not the point; the point is this:
I am writing today to tell you, my lovely readers, that you're beautiful. I have no idea what most of your outsides look like. For most of you, I've only seen a head shot (at best) of who you are. I don't know your height, your weight, how much you can bench press, or what your waist measurement is, but I do know the words of your hearts that I read everyday -- in your blogs, in your comments -- and they are beautiful.
Each one of you has your own gift that you share with the world: maybe it's your imagination, maybe it's your passion, maybe it's your spirituality … or your humor … your optimism … your ability to take great pictures … or your ability to tell a great tale. These make you beautiful - especially because you are sharing this with the world. You're sharing it with me!
Most of us go through life comparing ourselves to others and to various standards of beauty -- all outside ourselves. As a result, most of us feel that we never measure up. In fact, this reminds me of one of my favorite demotivational posters:
I occasionally wonder this very thing about my own life, "Is this me? Am I someone's cautionary tale?" Well ... if I am, I've still done some good, I guess. Perhaps not in the way I had hoped but …I just wanted to take the time today to honor all of you who are defining beauty from within. To me, all of you are beautiful. You have filled my world with richness, warmth and joy simply by your presence and encouragement every day. What beauty!
To all of you who have encouraged me and supported me--some of you from the very beginning, most of you in the last few weeks of this major transition (and mild depression) in my life--I thank you.
You're beautiful!
Peace be with all of you,
What is beauty to you?
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17 comments:
This was very beautiful Chania. I've been a victim of measuring my beauty by what's on the outside in the past. Today, I know that God does not make mistakes. I wish everyone could grasp this. They would find so much peace within it.
You are beautiful as well and I thank you for the inspiration.
Hi Chania Girl,
Several years ago, I started to workout - because I wanted to look "good", I wanted that body on the magazine covers. What I found, though, as I went through this - was that what really mattered was how I felt. And I was feeling healthier, more energy, and really a renewed sense of purpose in life.
It can be so easy to get caught up in those outer appearances. And that's a superficial beauty. The real beauty is within. And it's there for all of us - sometimes buried under everything else we let become our lives. But it's there, if we take the time to slow down, and really find what's there.
Chania Girl - you are NOT that poster. You are so much more. You are inspirational and your words deeply moving for me. You area a light in this world, in so many wondrous ways! Know that my life is better because our paths have crossed here, because you speak from the heart, because you care...
After having my first child, I stopped buying fashion magazines. I got so depressed and hated myself. I am finally coming to terms with my body at the age of 39... I do work out and eat well...but I am far from a size 2...and that's OK. I realized one day that no one gives a rats behind about my body, because they are too concerned with their own.
It's hard not to compare...but I am at a point in my life that I do it less. I won't lie, there are days that I wish...
But then I just say...it's what's within that counts. You are beautiful!
Thank you for this honest post...you are a wonderful soul!
What is beautiful to me? You. You and the loving gratitude you just expressed. You and the loving you share. You and your honesty. You and your beautiful soul that shines through the words you write. You.
As for the messages in those magazines? When we look at them in complete honest clarity, we see negativity is pervasive from cover to cover. Comparisons, judgements, urging us to be/have/do something we perhaps cannot. What's troubling is the urging behind it all, the prodding, almost pushing... In a very subtle (and even fun) way they are telling us we aren't supposed to remain who we are. The day I realized I became depressed each time I read one, I stopped, never picking up another again. Oh my, the weight lifted!
Comparisons are something we learn to release from our lives. It takes time, but we can do it---and we feel SO much better when we do! By relinquishing comparisons, we allow ourselves---and, by example, others---the freedom to let our own glowing selves shine! ...as you do.
Thank you, Chania Girl, for being here, sharing yourself in whatever way you choose. You inspire just by being you!
This is a BEAUTIFUL post. I really enjoyed reading it. I feel like women in particular have to deal with body image and appearance a LOT (which is why I started my blog Hope Springs Internal -- to praise the women who are focusing more on what they can do and what they think than on what they look like). It's not easy to remember, no matter what we look like, we are all beautiful. This post was a great reminder of that though and I'm very thankful that you wrote it for us.
If you haven't check her out already you might want to listen to Caitlin Crosby's song "Imperfect Is the New Perfect." It's really uplifting and a great reminder that we are ALL beautiful!
Thank you for a lovely post.
My appearance has changed with age, childbirth and hormones. If I didn't love myself so well, I'd be hating my body by now. But it gives my soul an earthly home, protects my brain, and carried my babies; for that reason alone - and for all the pleasures it's given me - it's worth blessing.
I'm subscribed to a magazine that's full of empowering articles. I think you'll be able to get it when you get back to Greece; if not, let me know and I'll send you a few. I also read one for people of my age and it's so refreshing not to have size minus zero models in it.
I did a post a few days ago about the gifts we all have; I'd love you to have a wee read and be as kind to yourself in your journal as you have been to all of us today.
oh my body has just changed so much recently. I always loved it. didn't like my face much, but at least I had a great body. it fitted all the fashion clothes. I went out, practically naked, so much confidence did I have in it. Now I am not like that. I am starting to look like my mother. I am a funny apple shape with huge boobis and a saggy belly. Your article and the comments has made me cry. I never used to even think about it, or compare it, but then, it didn't even fall too short in the comparison. I have been looking at myself in total disgust lately. And been unable to understand why my husband still find me attractive. Its just not a good way to think is it. I still would like to do some yoga. but because it makes me feel so good. and it gives good posture. and being fit and able and standing up tall and believing in yourself. that is what beauty is about. innit.
@Tabitha: I am touched by you and your comments and, most especially, by your blog and the spirit of it. To me, it (and you) are a thing of beauty. I feel blessed to have "met" you.
@Lance: Your comments always brighten my day, and today's was no exception either. I like what you say about our beauty sometimes becoming buried "under everything else we let become our lives." This happens to us so often and so easily, but it is not always easy to see this and (upon seeing it) to start sifting out the things that need to be sifted in order to let your light shine through. I would love to hear yours and others thoughts on ways we can "unbury" the beauty. Do I feel a blog post coming on? :0)
@Caroline: Caroline, I love your honesty so much. Makes me feel right at home with you, which is a wonderful feeling. It is hard not to compare but, like you, I find myself doing it a lot less than I used to. I realized one day that this was always going to make me feel as if I come up short, and that certainly can't be true. But, I must confess, if someone handed me some boob implants that were somehow not invasive and scary, I'd totally be all over it. ;)
@Julie: Julie, after I read your comment this morning, I had a smile on my face for the next several hours. Your words brought so much encouragement and joy and warmth into my world -- and I needed this. Thank you so much for this gift!
I agree with you that comparing ourselves to others -- whether it be beauty, money, success, relationships, etc. -- is a useless, foolish process that most of us could (and should) stand relinquishing. When we compare, we not only diminish ourselves, but we actually diminish the person we're comparing ourselves, too. It is a hard lesson to learn, but I am continually learning that to see you be blessed (in anything) is to be blessed myself. There are enough riches for everyone ... if only we realized it.
@Positively Present: I'm so glad you enjoyed the post, PP. I think this is why I enjoy your new blog, Hope Springs Internal, so much. Thank you for the song recommendation, too. Yours isn't the first I've received today on this theme (Thanks, Lance!) and I'm delighted to have it.
@Janice: Hi, my friend. I am so all over a magazine with empowering articles and can't wait to be back on your side of the pond to benefit from this little exchange.
I love what you say about your body and all of the wonderful things it does for you. I think we forget sometimes the miraculous creation that is our body, and all of the incredible processes it performs on a daily basis. It is a wondrous, wondrous thing and totally blows my mind sometimes. That alone is reason enough to say we are beautiful; but then when we start looking on the inside, things can get even more incredible ... if we're loving ourselves.
Thank you, Janice, for always sharing and being here. I'm looking forward to reading the gifts post.
@Anonymous: I hope you have been encouraged by all the comments here, love. Thank you for being so honest about where you are: "I look at myself in total disgust lately." I think a lot of us have been there at one time or another. But you also say that your husband still finds you attractive which must tell you something: it's all in your perception, doll. I hope you can get back to loving yourself soon and embracing yourself, "flaws" and all, because they make you you. If you find yourself focusing on your "saggy" bits, maybe you can refocus your energy on the parts of you that you love (and that your husband loves), or focus on your strength, your health, the fact that you simply are. Just remember, though, what my mom used to tell me when I was a little girl: Beauty is as beauty does. At the end of the day, it's not about your body as much as it's about your spirit and the life you're giving to others. Wishing you the best.
You know what's *funny* is that if these magazines told us how beautiful and fantastic we already are, we'd have no *use* for them! My sister was telling me about something she read or heard about the Real Simple magazine: If Real Simple *really told us* how to make everything simple, what would they put in future issues?! Basically, it's the magazines' jobs to make us feel like we need to find the next solution. Depressing, huh? And yet, do I still read them? You bet your pretty eyes I do!
You are NOT the sinking ship on that poster. I read your blog for inspiration, your eloquent words, your gorgeous spirit. Not once have I thought, "Well, I'm sure glad I read this...now I know what NOT to do..." The way you've grasped hold of life -- you're an inspiration, my doll.
Keep doing what you're doing.
@Kirwin: Your gave such a great example of the "magazine" mentality with Real Simple (which I used to love). When you consider that most magazines are driven by advertiser dollars, though, this only makes sense.
I'm so glad that you stop by here for inspiration. I hadn't thought of this as a place to do that, but it really makes my day to "hear" you say that. Thank you for this. :)
p.s. I don't necessarily think I'm that poster all the time. But I'd be willing to wager I am sometimes, and that's okay. I included it here because it (and a ton of other ones like it) completely crack me up. :0)
I love this post and thank you for the compliment my friend! I don't buy the magazines anymore because they're just don't resonate with me.
Inner beauty is what we need and I'm sure there are magazines somewhere but I'm wondering who the advertisers are.
Again I'm glad I'm here, thanks for the note on my father and thanks to Barbara at Blogging without a blog for telling us about it. Grateful,
Tess
CG, a "beautiful" post from a "beautiful" chick. Lots of love right back at you and long live substance over superficial!
@Tess: I'm glad you enjoyed the post, Tess, and hope it was a good reminder of the inner beauty of you that shines through in your blog and the comments you share. So glad to have "found" you. :)
@Sami: Thanks for the virtual lovin', Sami. My fiance's from Melbourne, so if we're ever in Oz, I'm totally looking you up ... If you don't mind ... . :0)
Hi Chania Girl,
Thank you for your beautiful words. You, too, have brightened my life.
One thing I've always liked about blogging is an author does not have to reveal what they look like. We get to know them through their words, their actions, and their ethics. They don't even have to use their real name. In fact, they could be an alien. But when we land on their blog, we "just know" they're a good person. Although fashion magazines promote outer beauty, those in the real world who are smart and mature enough, know it is the inner beauty that makes a person.
And you my dear, are a beauty, inside and out.
@Barbara: Thank you too for your beautiful words. They were so lovely to read this morning. I can relate to what you like about blogging: it's nice to get to know people from their words, actions, and ethics. It's amazing how much can come through even in a medium as "depersonalized" as cyberspace. My online students always argue for the merits of face-to-face communication because we can use gestures, facial expressions and body language to help make ourselves understood. I agree with them, but there is still a LOT of personality that comes through in writing that I don't know if people always realize.
So glad to have met you and your own beautiful soul here, Barbara. Much peace to you today.
Hi Chania,
To answer the question of "what is beautiful?"...it's that picture at the beginning of your post. Two young, happy little children that have no idea they're supposed to look any different or better than they do. That picture makes my heart smile. Your blog makes my heart smile. THAT is beauty.
@Lori - Spiritual Tidbits: Oh, Lori, I'm so glad you could stop by. It's so nice to see you here. The reason you gave for liking the picture on the blog is the very reason I chose it: it makes me smile, too. Hoping you'll continue stopping by, as I do the same on your blog (LOVE IT!). Happy 4th!
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