05 July 2009
It should come as no surprise to most of you that in addition to my penchant for Vegas weddings and dancing at the drop of a hat, I am also a sippy, soppy, drippy, droppy, romantic comedy mush. Yes, I confess: My name is Chania Girl, and I like chick flicks.
One of my favorite indulgences is a little movie called The Mirror Has Two Faces starring one of my favorite divas, Barbra Streisand. And while it definitely took a beating from the critics when it appeared, I still get a kick out of it.
The movie is basically an ugly duckling story: "unattractive" grown woman blossoms under love's eye and then comes into her own as a beauty who both loves herself and is loved by others. We see the leading character, Rose, rise from self-loathing to self-acceptance. And we come to understand that the two faces in her mirror are the face that she sees (ugly, plain, unlovable) and the face that is reflected back to her by the people in her life. Convinced at a young age of her plainness by the people around her, she has lived into it, accepting it, never once questioning that she too could be (is, was) a beauty. And it is only through the intervention of her mother that she is finally able to see herself anew through her own eyes … as someone beautiful.
This movie came to my mind recently as I've dealt with various personal events in my life. I often struggle myself with Rose's ugly duckling syndrome. I look into the mirror of my soul and I wonder: What is true here? Am I really seeing myself? Or am I seeing what I have been told to see? And, of course, it is easier for me to believe the bad than the good.
One of the fears in my life is the fear of self-delusion. I try very hard to be both honest with others and, most importantly, with myself. Because if honesty does not begin with me, then where does it begin?
And this means that I frequently fret and worry: Am I really who I think I am? Or am I deceiving myself? What is the truth here? How can I know it? Whom do I believe?!
These are not questions that I have found satisfactory answers to. For while there is a part of me that believes who I am resides deep within me, I question how objective this sense of self can really be when we hear tales of murderers with Messiah complexes who believed they were killing in God's name. Surely these murderers believed that they were holy instruments, and yet the carnage they leave in their wake suggests anything but.
What can we say then? It seems the external circumstances of our own lives and the response of the people around us are of importance, too, revealing the truth of our beliefs. The litmus test, if you will.
So what does that mean for me? For you? For me, it means that I am still in a quandary about which face in the mirror is mine. Do I believe the face *I* see? Or the face others see?
And that is why I ask of you today:
How can we know who we are?
How can we trust our sense of self to not be a delusion?
When do we know that we are harboring false beliefs or nurturing true ones?
What do you see in the mirror?
What, or whom, are your mirrors?
Any and all insight you have is much anticipated, appreciated, and welcomed.
How can we trust our sense of self to not be a delusion?
When do we know that we are harboring false beliefs or nurturing true ones?
What do you see in the mirror?
What, or whom, are your mirrors?
Any and all insight you have is much anticipated, appreciated, and welcomed.
Namaste and peace to all of you today,
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12 comments:
I immediately liked the quote by Indra Devi at the beginning of your post: "...the mind can only reflect the true image of the Self when it is tranquil and wholly relaxed."
After reading your article, with all those great questions, I found myself going back to the quote. I've been studying meditation lately, and I think the quiet mind that can be reached through meditation will reveal to any and all of our questions about Self.
We just have to trust in the revelation and not second-guess.
That's my take for what it's worth.
Really great post today. I was just reading another post about what we see in the mirror so I'm doing a lot of thinking about what's in the mirror today. I think there's a part of me who is impacted by society and looks at the parts of myself that aren't perfect, there's a part of me who loves what I look like no matter what, and there's a part of me that looks to others for approval. Reflections of who we are are both internal and external and it's so interesting to think about our perceptions of ourselves. You've given me a lot to think about today which is awesome.
Wow Chania Girl - this is a very profound story and very profound questions...
I love how you opened up and just spoke freely, that takes a lot of courage. And you know what, questioning is the first step to knowing who you truly are.
I can't say I ask myself these questions these days and I am not sure if I can remember in the past. Somehow, while I have not been sure about many things in my life over time, I seem to always hold on well to my sense of self, of who I am.
My first instinct is to tell you to really trust yourself. Still your mind, sit in a quite place and be alone with your thoughts. Be conscious of your thoughts...what do they say? When you are conscious, do you not find that you are with you, and you know exactly who that is...
So last but not least, yes, quiet the mind chatter, qiet the years of various comments and be still with yourself. You will have no problem knowing who you are. But know too that at every moment you have a change to re-create yourself, so we never have to "define" or "label" ourselves. Just be and trust that you are.
Have you ever read Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth"? It is amazing from so many perspectives, but especially from looking deeper at ourselves, peeling back the layers and facing what we find - it is in my opinion a life changing book!
Hmm, I'm not sure I can give you much clarity seeing as I think I'm in a similar spot myself.
More than anything I have a challenge with knowing who else to believe. I've been into personal development for years now and I have to admit, I am very much questioning a lot of what I've learnt from the "gurus".
I tend to be very trusting but I've been burnt quite a few times now. It's resulted in me becoming much more skeptical than I used to be.
I guess for me, when looking at the truth (ie my own or others), I take a moment to see how it "sits" with me. If something feels off then a red flag is raised. It kinda goes along with what the other commenters are saying about getting quiet.
I'll be interested to see what others say too!
@Lori|Spiritual Tidbits: Hi, Lori. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the issue. The quote was something I found after I'd written my post, and I think in a lot of ways it began to answer the questions I'd asked. But, what could I do? Will let you know how the being still goes. :)
@Positively Present: Thank you for your words, PP. I'm glad that my questions prompted you to begin thinking about these things, too. And I would love to know what the other post was that you read. Can you share?
@Evita: Thank you so much for the book recommendation. I think it would be great for me. It seems that I am being hit over the head lately (in a good way) with meditation. So when am I going to start? I will follow your and Lori's advice and try to quiet the monkey-mind and hear what my real me has to say. Thank you. :)
@Sami: Hi, Sami. Thanks so much for your comments. What you say about seeing how something "sits" with you is a very valid point and something that Janice over at Sharing the Journey also shared with me today. Must be some truth to it! I would like to hear more at some point about some of your questioning. Maybe it would illuminate something for me. I take comfort in knowing that you're in a similar spot too, though ... not that I would wish it on someone. Thank you for understanding. Would love to hear more from you.
I'm not sure if I'm going to have any insight, but I still feel like I need to comment.
I know what you mean about being confused about what is the *truth* -- Is it real what you see, or are you only seeing *that* because you've been lead to believe it to be true...
~blegh~ too sleepy to come up with an answer....I don't know, CG. I just don't know. I've got to give this more thought, and maybe I'll be more articulate tomorrow.
Hi there,
I'm just getting round to catching up on my blog reading.
I'd suggest learning to get in touch with your body; it's a very good gauge of how honest you're being with yourself.
For example, I check in with my gut. Others feel feelings somewhere else in their bodies. I ask myself brave questions then check in with my body to see what visceral feelings I'm experiencing. When I think of clearing my attic and having no clutter, I get this warm glow that starts in my gut, fills my chest and shoulders and rises up through the top of my head. When I think of going back to teaching at universities and colleges, I get this squirming, tight knot in my gut that contracts me.
I keep banging on about these, but if you really want to get to the core of who you are, ask yourself these two questions continually: What expands me? What contracts me?
It's also crucial you write down your values. YOUR values. And your short, mid and long term goals for every role you play in your life: fianceé, daughter, friend, blogger/writer, teacher, society member etc. Only then can you ask yourself this, before every decision you make: Is this going to get me closer towards my goal or take me further away?
This may help:I was a conceited ass in my twenties and thirties, made huge mistakes and hurt, angered and alienated a lot of people. My husband, who for reasons still unknown to me saw the best in me, stuck with me and convinced me that we're all simply evolving. We have to beat our butterfly wings painfully or else we're never strong enough to fly.
Then I had kids. They looked at me like I was a superhero and made me want to become one. Now I get teenage looks of loathing some days but I have the wisdom to see that it's just another phase.
It's all meant, and it's all learning. In ten years time, how much of it will really matter?
You may have a crappy streak in you. Accept it, embrace it, love it, forgive it and move on. It has a flipside. If you discover a side of you that you don't like, it'll definitely be balanced by something good.
Hi Chania Girl,
If I haven't mentioned it before, I want you to know how much I truly appreciate your openness and honesty here. I think this just leads to so much heartfelt sharing, as witnessed by all the comments here.
How can we "really" know who we are? I believe we have to quiet ourselves and really reach in to the soul of our being. And this isn't going to happen, in my opinion, if we just travel through life not taking the time to really "be" with ourselves. Is this easy? Well, it isn't for me. It's so easy to put this off - if favor of something else that seems so much more important. Is it, though? If we don't know ourselves, where are are we really heading, and is it ringing true to our being? Probably not. And I say all of this, not that I have the answers to all my own questions, but really for what I believe. Am I there? No. I'm working my way toward this place, toward where I connect with my soul.
Chania Girl, I see here in your writing so much good. And I see you working toward that connection with soul in such powerful ways. If I can offer anything, believe in "you", believe in the goodness that you exude, believe in that connection with your soul, believe in life and all the beauty it provides.
And that beauty...know that is you shining out into the world...
I hope I can answer this correctly. you asked: How can we know who we are?
For Me: in my quest to getting closer to God this has been answered for me. I am not who others say I am. I don't see the lady others see. I am who He shows me I am. I see myself as He sees me. In coming to this it has provided me with deep peace and a newer love for myself. A truer love.
No one is perfect. No situation will ever be perfect, but if you trust in You the answers will surface. They are already within you my friend. Listen to your spirit deep within.
Just in case no one has told you today - You are Beautiful!
@Kirwin: Oh, Kirwin. Your comment was totally my state of mind yesterday. Thank you for being so honest here. I appreciate it very much.
@Janice: As always, you have words of thought and wisdom to share, and I thank you. You're exactly right - I do have a crappy streak in me and it took a lot to get me to see it, but see it now I am. Like you, though, I am very lucky (blessed!) to have a fiance who sees me at my worst and yet still sees the best in me. He loves me and supports me, and this encourages me to live into what he sees. Thank you for sharing about yourself and your life; it helps me relate and know that I'm not alone. As G has told me, though, so what if I messed up? I'm not perfect. Get over it, make amends, and move on. And that's exactly what I'm doing. The crappy streak does have a flip side. All of us are light and shadow. Stay with me as I redeem more of this shadow and make it light again. Your words are appreciated, my friend.
@Lance: I am so glad to know that you (and several others here) are in this boat with me. It seems that the theme is to just quiet down and "be" with yourself, but you are so right when you talk about how hard it is to do. Truth? I get scared of what Me will say to Me! :) Thank you for encouraging me that, despite my ugly bits, I am still offering beauty to the world. This is what I want above all, and to lift you and others up who are doing such wonderful things, as well. Thank you for this. Thank you for you.
@Tabitha: Your comment was a beautiful reminder that we are far more beautiful than we realize. We get trapped into looking at outward appearances, social class, and status symbols and using those to determine beauty. But there is an us in each one of us that is unique and beautiful and the only one of its kind. Thank you for this reminder, my beautiful friend, and for the light you are spreading in the world. And thank you for this: "You are beautiful." So are you, love. So are you.
Hi there! Another profound post. Today I like what I see in the mirror (I didn't in my teens and early 20's). The older I get the more I accept "things"...like spider veins on my legs, lumps and bumps on my thighs, more wrinkles on my face. And to think how smooth and beautiful my skin was 20 years ago and I thought I was horrid looking! I like how I am evolving spiritually and that shows on the outside. I don't care what people think of me (seriously I don't). Also, I think most people (women in general) are so hard on themselves and too concerned with their own faults to take on others.
So embrace your beauty...inside and out. You are unique and special and beautiful!
@Caroline: Thank you for such a lovely, encouraging comment, Caroline. I have been enjoying this spiritual evolving in your blogs and see so much of your inner beauty reflected in the peaceful outer beauty that has come through on the self-portraits you've shared with us. I love what you are doing in your life and in your world. You are beautiful, too!
@Tess: Thank you for sharing your own experiences with looking in the mirror. Journalling has also been a way for me of getting to the heart of things and hearing my own inner voice, but not always. And sometimes when I most need to write, I can't or won't -- perhaps fearful of what I'll see? I like these words you shared: "I am not my physical beauty. I am not my wrinkles,I am not my body. I am not my job, car or clothes. I am love." Thank you!
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