Living Happiness » Two Lists

Two Lists

March 23rd, 2010 Posted in Everyday Life, Inner Wisdom, On a Lighter Note

This morning my husband got under my skin. He did one of those little things he always does that, sometimes, I can overlook but most of the time simply drive me batty. And today was not the day.

It all happened as we were departing for the gym. He performs XYZ annoyance (for the umpteenth time!!!) and I let him know I’m annoyed and then he gets annoyed that I’m annoyed, and this is how we drive all the way down to Planet Fitness where, hopefully, we will work out our frustrations on the equipment rather than on each other (although, in my current state, I’m certain I could take him … despite the thirty pounds he’s up on me … and despite the fact that he’s been bench pressing God knows how much weight for years now).

Righteously indignant and inflamed with what is now becoming a simmering (not quite seething) rage, I hop onto the treadmill and begin plotting my revenge. Well, first I pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for speaking up about what was so obviously an infringement of my rights. After all, only one of us can be right, and that’s obviously me. And this, therefore, is why I am in prime position to make a point.

I like making points; they make me look good. I gather up evidence and then present it like a surprise witness in a murder-one case, and everyone is floored, while I (the prosecutor) weave my well-articulated little tale and convince the jury that all the previous evidence presented by the other side now carries no weight whatsoever. Yes, I like making points: cases in points, especially.

So having spent a good ten minutes on the treadmill now talking myself up, I begin the plotting, and I decide that I am going to start keeping a list. That’s right: a list documenting every single instance of my husband performing said annoyance. I am certain it will be full within a week’s time; in fact, it may fill up in even less! I grin with sadistic glee as I envision me presenting it to him the next time this annoyance-doing goes one step too far:

If you please, sir, I would like to draw your attention to Prosecution Exhibit A: The List. On the 23rd of March at approximately 10:23 a.m., you, the defendant, committed XYZ offence. This was repeated later again that day at 1:56 p.m., and again at 9:59 that evening. Let the record also show that there were four recurrences on the 24th of March, two on the 25th, etc, etc, etc. … Were you aware, sir, of the frequency and consistency at which you commit these offences?

“Ha-haaaaaa,” I laugh inside, “Vengeance is mine. There’s no way he can squirm out of this one!” Even the jury is unanimous. “Guilty!” they cry. And then I hear it: the unmistakable little voice of my better self (not my ego) that is now almost screaming to be heard over my maniacal internal laughing.

“What good can come of this?” She says. “What are you hoping to prove? And do I need to remind you that this is a completely one-sided argument? Puh-leaze!” And up she gets from where she has been waiting quietly and strides over to where I am sitting, still in my mental courtroom. Looming over me, hands firmly planted on the prosecution’s table, my better self leans in and says, “What about we take a look at another list, hm?” And she whips out List B.

Ladies and gentlemen of the court, she announces, let the record also show that on the 23rd of March at 9:54 a.m. the defendant told the prosecution over breakfast that he loved waking up to her every day. A few hours later at 2:52 p.m. he thanked her for a lovely lunch she had prepared and grabbed her for a quick snog at the kitchen sink before he began washing his dishes. Continuing, at 4:45 p.m. that day he kissed her lips on his way out the door to work and told her he loved her and, six hours later, arriving home, greeted her with another kiss and the words, “I love coming home to you,” at which point he and the prosecution adjourned to the bedroom to, erm, shall we say, welcome him home. Do I need to continue? Anyone? No?

Pan scene now to me, sitting behind desk in my (still) mental (in more ways than one) courtroom, shamed and stunned into silence. She’s right. She’s always right. Despite that one little annoyance that runs itself on repeat, there are a thousand other actions throughout the day that more than atone for his (my husband’s) “sins.”

My better self turns now and walks back over to me and whispers, “If we’re going to start drawing up lists, I suggest this one is the one to begin with.”

The courtroom scene disappears, and I am again back on the treadmill, and I am no longer angry. Instead, I am overwhelmed with the recollection of all the ways that my husband shows me every day that he loves me and chooses me. She is right, my better self. If I want to focus on anything about my relationship with my husband, it should be the positive, the actions that are the mortar that bind the bricks of our marriage together. That other list – it just tears down the foundations.

So I leave the gym, at peace in more ways than one, and I come home now to share this story with you.

What about you and the relationships in your own life?
Are you keeper of the record of wrongs? Or guardian of the list of all that’s right?
How can you build up your relationships instead of tear them down?

I look forward to hearing from you today.

Om shanti.
Namaste.