Living Happiness

It has been almost one year since G and I packed up our little flat and moved into our current home … and almost one year since I boarded a ferry and then (three) planes that would take me across an ocean and back to the States for the first time in three years. To say last summer was difficult is an understatement.

In this year, G and I have experienced some big changes, most noticeably in the change in our relationship from fiancé and fiancée to husband and wife. We have made a new home, made new friends, learned new languages (me), found new jobs. All for our good, all for the better, not always easy.

As with any journey in which there are hardships to be endured, all of us have the chance to become stronger or the chance to fall and give up. If we choose to become stronger, the Universe will see to it that these hardships become our lessons.

Here are some just a few of the lessons I’ve learned this past year.

1. Sometimes you can go home again.
My biggest fear in returning to the States was that I wouldn’t be able to return home, but this turned out not to be true. Though it took me a while to find my way back to my home, when I finally did it was the best five weeks of my summer. When you go somewhere that love is unconditional, it doesn’t matter how much externals change, you will always be able to be you … and you will always be loved. To me, that is the very definition of home.

2. The heart may have more than one home.
It may have two … or three. Just as my heart rejoiced when it found its way back to my parents’ house, it also rejoiced when it found itself on Greek soil again. Words cannot describe to you the joy I felt on that first cab ride from Venizelos airport back into central Athens. My heart caught in my throat as I saw the Parthenon on the hill, my soul quieted down and sighed a big “aaaaah.” If I could have hugged the whole of Athens in one embrace I would have done it. And then there was my return to my love, G. I will never forget the morning, 5:30 a.m., just off the ferry, standing at the taxi rank in the purple dawn light, waiting for my first glimpse of him. And when I saw him … ? That day, my first day home, was truly one of the best days of my life.

3. It’s not always all about you.
There is a tendency in our modern, globalized world to focus on the individual, on independence, self-reliance, autonomy, ourselves. But in doing so we can sometimes forget that, even so, we still live in relation every day to ourselves and the world around us. We are not the only ones who are affected by events and circumstances. We are not the only ones who deserve a fair break or our piece of the pie. Sometimes the best thing we can do is get out of the way and let “it” be about someone else for a change. Let them have the break. Let them have the pie. The lessons of last summer taught me this, above all.

4. Sometimes not asking for forgiveness is the only thing that’s holding you back from receiving it. ASK.
One of the things I learned when I finally “stepped out of the way” is that I had inadvertently caused a lot of hurt and anguish in recent months to those around me, too caught up in myself to see it. So when I finally did “see” it, I was heartbroken and wanted to make things right. What I discovered is that most people quickly and gladly forgive. But I may not have received this gift had I not asked. This gift was the gift of grace.

5. Where there is no road, you have the opportunity to make one.
As a stranger in a strange land, the course you take is not always one set out for you. There are detours and byways and full-out turnabouts you have to endure before you get where you’re going. This is nowhere more apparent than in one’s job. This year I repeatedly went down one certain vocational road only to always find myself at a dead end. And then one day I realized, “Hey, there’s a destination up there I want to get to … and this way isn’t working.” I started “building a new road,” and now there is a way where once there was none.

6. Simple and easy are not the same.
If they were, far more of us would be happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. But the roads to these places, though perhaps simple, are not easy. We are allowed to choose every day which path we want to take: the path of ease … or the path of simplicity.

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My mom was in her late 20s when she packed up her apartment, sold her car, and boarded a plane that would take her to Germany … and four thousand miles away from the Florida town where she had grown up. Having worked and lived on her own for several years, having already left Florida to spend the past few years in Tennessee, she had begun to feel that her life held something more, that God had more in store for her, and she’d begun praying until the answer finally came in a series of “coincidences” that were anything but.

My mom arrived in Germany not knowing the language and only a few people and, even them, not very well. But she persevered and, in time, met her husband (my dad) and embarked on an even stranger life as a military wife and mom, living and working in England, New Mexico, and, eventually, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

My memories of my mom, growing up, are of her loves: old films and movie musicals – Dr. Zhivago, Gone with the Wind, The Fiddler on the Roof – from which I get her love; 50s rock and roll – of which I have memories of Saturday nights in the living room, learning to “twist;” and, always and above all, God, who (in her words) is “the center of who I am.”

From my mom I received the traditions I still keep: a new hat and dress on Easter Sunday, a spiral-baked ham and potato salad as the Easter meal, a Christmas Eve spread of finger foods (rather than turkey and fixings) as we gather to watch Mom’s favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Carol.

But mostly from my mom, I have received some of my own best qualities, the very best qualities I believe she possesses: strength and faith.

As I began thinking about this Mother’s Day post a few weeks ago, I began to realize that for all of the things I know and love about my mom, there were many things I still did not know – What were the unique challenges she faced in life? What were things most important to her? As is so often the case with so many of us, I had been watching my mom my whole life but … had I really seen her?

And so I asked my mom if it would be okay for me to interview her this Mother’s Day, to share her with the world as she shared herself with me. And she said, “Yes.”

So today’s post is a tribute to my mom, Carolyn. This is my mom as more than just a mom but as the woman she is. These are her words … about parenting … about herself.

When did you know you were ready to be a mom? or Did you ever feel ready to be a mom?

I think it is every woman’s desire to be a mother at some time in her life. I knew that one day, after I had met the right partner, I would want to have children. As a young girl I had taken care of my older siblings’ children. It seemed endless, and I saw much heartache for them. So I was not in any rush to make that an immediate thing to do after high school. I wanted to do things on my own before settling down to homemaking.

After I met your dad and we married, I knew it would be a natural thing to want children. This was not anything other than being in love with my husband, your dad. After a short time you came along. I was ready and wanting to be a mom.

What were you most frightened of about being a mom?

I can’t say that I was frightened of anything other than actually going through the labor process. I prepared as much as possible for that time and, when it came, I was frightened at the hospital. Actually, the hospital had just recently began to allow the husband to be in the room. This brought great comfort to me: not to be alone. Your dad was a great coach in the process.

What was your greatest difficulty as parent?

In the beginning days of being a mom there were times when I felt closed in and just doing “the baby thing” with little outside contact. This was hard because your dad would come home from work and I had been home all day wanting someone to talk to or just get out for a while. Men don’t understand that.

What was most challenging to you as a parent?

The most challenging part of parenting is wanting to be perfect and not make mistakes as a parent. Learning to discipline when and how and having agreement with your mate about the best way. The mom spends more time with the children, and the dad comes in wanting things to be a certain way … that is a great challenge. More personalities in the home means more tolerance and respect for each other.

What was your greatest joy as parent? What did you/do you enjoy most about being a mom?

My greatest moments as a parent were watching the growing and learning process of each of you and your sister. Being proud of your achievements and also feeling your love coming back to me is more important than anything money can buy.

What do you feel you’ve done right as a parent?

I hope I have instilled an appreciation for life and, also, the faith in God that was passed down to me from my mother. I pray that you are strong and will go forward no matter what obstacles come your way. Never give up! always knowing who you are.

G and I hope to begin a family in the next year or two. What is the best advice you can give us as (not yet) new parents?

It is so important to be respectful of each other’s differences and encourage the strengths of each other. Overlook the shortcomings and know that you can’t change each other.

Love and time change you, and you truly begin to resemble each other. For your dad and me, our putting God as the center and being faithful to him – these have met our every need.

Who are you when you’re not a wife, mom, sister, and friend?

I can’t not be a wife, mom, sister, or friend without belonging to God first , He who is the center of who I really am.

What is your greatest fear?

I don’t think much of fear. I know that I must have some. I guess my fears would be not having your father with me and him dying and leaving me alone. I don’t want to be left alone, and I don’t want my children to have to take care of me. I don’t want to be put in a home but would prefer that over being a burden. I don’t want to grow old and not be able to enjoy life and get around by myself.

What is your greatest joy?

My greatest joy of course is my children. I love the grandchildren with all their energies and personalities. I love my two daughters and miss our being closer. I don’t want to be so close that we take each other for granted but close enough to see each other more often.

What makes you laugh?

I love good funny movies. Right now I like the Chonda Pierce monologues.

When do you feel most fulfilled?

My most fulfilling moments are when I have my times of reflection and commune with God and know He is talking to me. I get affirmation about things, and this assures me of His great love for me.

What qualities do you like most about yourself?

I like being able to reason out problems. I like my analytical abilities. I like being able to understand financial issues and do the banking. I like my practical side and am not to heavy into deep reading.

What accomplishment in your life do you feel most proud of? or What are you most proud of in your life?

I am very proud to be a mother of two beautiful daughters and a loving husband of 36 years this month. We were told our marriage wouldn’t last because we had not spent enough time together to know each other. Believe me, I know your dad! He says better than he knows me!

What is your favorite time of day? Why?

My favorite time of day is early morning, waking up and having my coffee and being quiet, watching the news show and having my reflection time.

[I inherited this from her. My favorite time of day is early morning, waking up and having my tea or coffee, and just being still.]

What is your favorite song?

Favorite religious song – I’d Rather Have Jesus
Secular song – any of the love songs of Elvis!
[Side note: Mom has met Elvis and got his autograph.]

What is your favorite Scripture?

My favorite scripture I live by is Matthew 6:33:

But all of the verses just before that explain it all.

What dreams, if any, do you still have that you want to see fulfilled?

I still desire to travel and see more of the United States and, of course, go back to some of the other places I have lived and really be a tourist.

If you could give your 20-year-old self some advice, what would it be? What would you tell her?

Maybe if I were in my 20s now looking back, I would probably want to be a little younger having my children so I wouldn’t be so old watching my grandchildren come along. I think, though, that I am glad my life worked out as it did. I definitely should have finished my college studies and gotten a degree – one regret that I have about my life.

I hope this post encourages you today, if you have not already done so, to see the people around you in a new way, to look past what you already know to what you perhaps don’t know.

Of all the people I would want to get to know more, my mom is at the top of my list. I love you, Mom!

With love,

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