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Giving Up On Happiness

June 8th, 2010 Posted in Contemplations, Everyday Life, Inner Wisdom

Today I am giving up, giving in, not doing it any longer.  Running that is.  Running in pursuit of happiness.  No more pursuit.   No more chasing.  I’m going to lie down right here in this field of wildflowers and let myself be.  Happiness, if it wants me, knows where to find me.  I’ll be finding shapes in the clouds and looking for ladybugs.

I think the Greeks would agree with me.  Their idea of happiness was that it just happens to you — you are granted favor by the gods, and often for willy-nilly reasons that no one can even explain.  Even Aristotle took time out from teaching his Golden Mean to admit, “Hey, I’m not sure if these things actually make a person happy, but perhaps they’ll help.”   The ancients must have been on to something.

Even now, happiness is one of those words that doesn’t really have a verb.  It’s not actually something we can do, even though it does sound nice when we say things like this to ourselves.  We can be happy.  We can see and experience happiness.  But do happiness?  It’s all in the word itself.  Happiness … from hap … which simply means “chance.”

This was true for the Latin word for happy: Felix (from which we get today’s word, felicitous) simply meant lucky.

And this was also true for the Greek word, eudaimion, which in its literal translation meant something like “good spirit,” something like what we might call today a guardian angel or a spirit guide.  To be eudaimion in ancient Greece, therefore, was to basically have the favor of your guardian spirit.

How to get or ensure this favor?   That’s what the old, sage philosophers –like Aristotle, Socrates, and Plato – were going on about: Which actions produce it?  What do I need to do to make my guardian angel favor me?

And over that subject there was a lot of debate, and still is, even to this day. And it’s probably from them that we get the whole idea that happiness can be found or earned somehow, rather than basically be something that just seems to … happen.

So what are we knocking ourselves out about? I sure as heck don’t know.

But I’m going to take my cue today from the ancients … and from actress Lindsay Duncan.

Lindsay is the lovely Katherine, an eccentric ex-pat living in Italy, in Audrey Wells’ film, Under the Tuscan Sun.  In one of my favorite scenes, she becomes exasperated with her friend Frances (Diane Lane) for all of Frances’ constant boohooing over whether she is happy or unhappy, and finally says to her:

I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.

What she says is not all that much different from what Nathaniel Hawthorne, two hundred years ago, said either:

Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

So, if you’ll excuse me now, I’m tired of all this running.  I’ve got a field I want to go lie down in, with a patch of daisies calling my name.

Care to join me?

Ladybug wishes,

or follow Living Happiness on Facebook.

Photo Credit Jeff Kubina

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23 Responses to “Giving Up On Happiness”

  1. Love ‘Under the Tuscan Sun.’ Think I need to watch that again soon.

    It’s a rainy day here, so no time with the daisies for me. But, a friend from many years ago is meeting me for coffee so she will be my sunshine this morning.

    Happiness does have a way of chasing and catching us if we just quit looking for it!
    Jean Sarauer´s last blog ..How to Rant and Still Respect Yourself in the MorningMy ComLuv Profile

  2. I’m with you. This week is all about ease and flow for me so I’m with you big time. Nice imagery. Ahhhh. Thanks for the breath of fresh air, Carla.
    Katie´s last blog ..7-Week Life Cleanse: Gathering Ease & Flow in Week 3My ComLuv Profile

  3. A few years ago someone asked me if I was happy. I didn’t hesitate, I just said yes. He asked how I knew… I answered because I am not trying to be happy nor am I looking for it… I am already there most of the time.
    That was, however, before my life went on a different path entirely and I had to realize what it felt like not to be happy more than half the time.
    I think happiness happens when we are not seeking it – when we are living our lives and being as open as we can be… It isn’t the finish line as much as it is a feeling that comes along the journey. Perhaps it is like intimacy and serenity… Happiness happens in moments? The realization of whole in the moment, yes this is life, wow I am here… living?
    I know people who stop trying for happiness settling on being content – and even that is something they try to achieve…

    I love the butterfly quote and the ladybugs…

    I love that movie – and Chocolate – Happiness…
    The Exception´s last blog ..Just… soMy ComLuv Profile

  4. Oy! When I read this title in my rss feed, I thought you were gonna give up on the blog! I’m glad to see that’s not the case. Funny how that works. I couldn’t care less about my blog, but I hate to see others give up theirs. Probably a bit selfish, huh? Entertain me, dammit! :)

    To me, I believe that happiness and peacefulness are our natural states. I think other things (sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration) get in the way, and can block us from accessing our happiness, but when we remove the blocks, we see that the happiness has always been there.

    I’m currently dealing with a bout of loneliness, but I can feel the happiness on the other side, beckoning me to come sit for a while. I just have to accept the invitation. :)
    Jay´s last blog ..HeroMy ComLuv Profile

  5. What a beautiful post! I like the idea that happiness is “good spirit.” I know when I slow down and get present and see the beauty in this moment, I often find something like joy. I never seem to get there by running and searching, it’s true.

    In some cultures, when a ladybug lands on you it’s good luck. Here’s hoping you meet one, up close and personal, today!
    Meredith´s last blog ..patience, young grasshopperMy ComLuv Profile

  6. @Jean: I loved your comment, Jean. I don’t know about you, but I’m A-okay with happiness doing a bit of the pursuing right now! I’m confident it will. Already has! :D Hope your coffee with your friend this morning was just the thing you needed.

    @Katie: Any time, Katie! I’m so glad you caught the “just go with the flow” vibe I felt while I was writing this post. Today has been a go with the flow and just be kind of day for me, too. It’s good to know it translated across cyberspace. :) Hope you’re still in the flow as I write this.

    @The Exception: I think happiness happens when we are not seeking it – when we are living our lives and being as open as we can be… Those are my sentiments exactly. When might you show up in Greece for a coffee? ;) I love your comments, TE. They are always exactly what needs to be said … or what I hope will be said (*wink*) … and so eloquently. Thank you for this. xx

    @Jay: Hello, dear friend. I am hoping, as I write this, that you have gone over and joined the happiness party that was beckoning to you and are now banging loudly on a kettle drum while belting out half-coherent lyrics of sheer joy and bliss. Please tell me you accepted the invitation? I think happiness is big enough for all my emotions, so I’m learning to feel them when I have them, follow them down to the bottom sometimes, and then swim back up to the surface where I can breathe. I hope you won’t be afraid to be sad, or lonely, or scared when you are. :)

    @Meredith: Hi, Meredith. I am so happy you stopped by today and shared your thoughts. It is a bit neat, isn’t it, that happiness = “good spirit”? It actually REALLY means “good daimon,” but I was a bit frightened if I mentioned that, then I’d have to go down the whole road of “No, no, no, people. Not demon, daimon.” So I chose to just make it easy. :) Thank you for letting me know about the ladybug — I suspected this to be true. When I was a little girl, my elderly next-door neighbour would often tell me, “Ladybugs only land on very special people.” I hope you’re day has been one of good favor, as well. And I hope to see you again. :)

  7. ahhhh, reading this is a breath of fresh air.

    happiness does have a way of just appearing
    Aileen´s last blog ..5 Steps for Working Through ResistanceMy ComLuv Profile

  8. Ooooh Carla,
    When I come play, may we watch “Under the Tuscan Sun” together…as we drink fabulous wine, lay in a field of daisies, and allow the very lucky ladybugs (because ladybugs symbolize good luck) to land on us???? Happiness indeed.
    My best days are those that I allow for unfolding. Happiness, abundance, love, joy, peace, just enter and fill the space I allow. So I try to allow for lots of space!!! My happiest moments are the lazy ones while the boat is in the slip or anchored at the islands…just laying in the hammock in the sun, or on a cushion in the cockpit looking at the sky or reading, listening to music, playing my drum, no technology just me and the world……as I write this, I realize what I require to be happy is my smile…hmm, smile, check!….and now that smile just got a little brighter:)
    Joy´s last blog ..Monday Blessing: Days Like This…My ComLuv Profile

  9. @Aileen: Thank you, Aileen. :)

    @Joy: Of COURSE, we can watch Under the Tuscan Sun together … and drink fabulous wine and lie in a field of daisies and play with ladybugs! Woohoo! Meanwhile, G can refill our drinks and make snacks. LOL.

    I loved your sharing here about what life is like for you … and how you just allow for moments in your day when joy, love, peace, contentment can just flow in. I think this is the key really: being open. And the fact that you live your life in a boat, where you are (quite literally) forced to “go with the flow,” that speaks volumes about you and the life you are living.

    p.s. G and I really want to come visit you on the boat. :D

  10. Great article about happiness, I also like the idea of happiness is a good spirit. Reading through it makes me think a lot of what I should do in my life.

  11. Hi Carla,
    I feel more relaxed just reading your words!

    I think the mindset of us westerners is to chase happiness which can be as elusive as the butterfly and the ladybug. We don’t know how to be still and enjoy just being. We’re all so indoctrinated to doing, doing and more doing.

    My Greek relatives who’ve visited the US all say the same thing – we live to work here, instead of working to live.

    Thank you for reminding to stop and lay down in the grass once in a while!
    Angela Artemis´s last blog ..Angela Artemis Interviewed by Hulbert Lee of From Bottom UpMy ComLuv Profile

  12. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Angela Artemis, Katie Tallo. Katie Tallo said: She's letting happiness find her by gathering ease. RT @livinghappiness Giving Up On Happiness http://bit.ly/bfW8tO [...]

  13. @Justin: Hi, Justin! It was great to see a new face around here today. I’m glad you enjoyed the post, and I hope you will visit again. :)

    @Angela: Hi, Angela love! I’m so glad this post relaxed you: that was the point! :D I think there’s too much chasing going on and it’s to just stop it. ;) I hope things are going well with you and that, even in the midst of all the moving mess, you can take some down time to just be and enjoy. Big hugs today from Crete. x

  14. Carla — I loved this post!!!!! It is a breath of fresh air.

    I remember when I used to chase happiness and wail about the fact that I could never seem to find it. I used to write journals about this “lost cause” search:~)

    Then, like what you said in this post, it hit me one day while I was doing something totally ordinary that I felt really happy.

    And I just enjoyed the feeling. I think this was one of I the most amazing discoveries in my life –the realization that happiness doesn’t live with me all the time…I get happy moments, but they will always acome and go.

    The key is to recognize them, like your ladybugs, when they are around and enjoy them without worrying about how long they will stay or when they will come back….happy moments live in the present.

    Once again, I delight in your writings. I am smiling right now and enjoying a happy moment:~)
    Sara´s last blog ..Story Photo: Cloud PlayMy ComLuv Profile

  15. Happiness, if it wants me, knows where to find me. This is a great way of looking at it.

    This is really a thought provoking and feel good post at the same time. I agree CG that happiness cannot be chased I have the same philosophy about inner peace. I guess one can say they are the same thing.

    I might be a bit late in joining you Carla but I will do it anyway :)

    Thank you for this peaceful feel good article.
    Manal´s last blog ..The Art of SlowMy ComLuv Profile

  16. @Sara: Dear Sara, your words totally always make me smile. I’m enjoying a happy moment too! :) You left a beautiful comment with several points that had me nodding in agreement, but my favorite was this: Happy moments live in the present. YES!

    @Manal: Manal, it’s always a delight for me when you stop by … and it’s never too late for you to join me for some lazying about and just enjoying being. Your company is always welcome!

    Thank you for your words and letting me know that you enjoyed the post. If it brought a smile to your face … or brought a sigh of peace … then that’s the best thing I could wish for. :)

  17. I think you can find things that make you happy, but happiness really can find you!

    Sometimes, the feeling of happiness will wash over me for no particular reason. Makes me smile, just thinking about it!
    Courtney Carver´s last blog ..How to Become a VegetarianMy ComLuv Profile

  18. It is when we stop chasing happiness and turn within that we know happiness. You can never find or chase after something which you already have. Simply be!
    Mark´s last blog ..Look Behind The Curtain!My ComLuv Profile

  19. Carla,
    That field sounds pretty wonderful! (I’ll join you!!!)

    “Happy” is pretty sweet (I rather like that feeling!). Chasing it, though…good point. If it has to be elusive, is it really worth going after???

    Being here makes me happy….and I didn’t have to run after this place (or you)….
    Lance´s last blog ..A Vacation Of A LifetimeMy ComLuv Profile

  20. Carla-
    The Hawthorne quote is one of my favorites. I think about it often as I run around seeking! “Just sit, Ruthie”, I tell myself. “Enjoy the grassy knoll”. And sure enough, that butterfly of happiness often finds me!

    I have been enjoying your blog immensely. Thank you for putting it out there!!