Living Happiness

It should come as no surprise to most of you that in addition to my penchant for Vegas weddings and dancing at the drop of a hat, I am also a sippy, soppy, drippy, droppy, romantic comedy mush. Yes, I confess: My name is Chania Girl, and I like chick flicks.

One of my favorite indulgences is a little movie called The Mirror Has Two Faces starring one of my favorite divas, Barbra Streisand. And while it definitely took a beating from the critics when it appeared, I still get a kick out of it.

The movie is basically an ugly duckling story: “unattractive” grown woman blossoms under love’s eye and then comes into her own as a beauty who both loves herself and is loved by others. We see the leading character, Rose, rise from self-loathing to self-acceptance. And we come to understand that the two faces in her mirror are the face that she sees (ugly, plain, unlovable) and the face that is reflected back to her by the people in her life. Convinced at a young age of her plainness by the people around her, she has lived into it, accepting it, never once questioning that she too could be (is, was) a beauty. And it is only through the intervention of her mother that she is finally able to see herself anew through her own eyes … as someone beautiful.

This movie came to my mind recently as I’ve dealt with various personal events in my life. I often struggle myself with Rose’s ugly duckling syndrome. I look into the mirror of my soul and I wonder: What is true here? Am I really seeing myself? Or am I seeing what I have been told to see? And, of course, it is easier for me to believe the bad than the good.

One of the fears in my life is the fear of self-delusion. I try very hard to be both honest with others and, most importantly, with myself. Because if honesty does not begin with me, then where does it begin?

And this means that I frequently fret and worry: Am I really who I think I am? Or am I deceiving myself? What is the truth here? How can I know it? Whom do I believe?!

These are not questions that I have found satisfactory answers to. For while there is a part of me that believes who I am resides deep within me, I question how objective this sense of self can really be when we hear tales of murderers with Messiah complexes who believed they were killing in God’s name. Surely these murderers believed that they were holy instruments, and yet the carnage they leave in their wake suggests anything but.

What can we say then? It seems the external circumstances of our own lives and the response of the people around us are of importance, too, revealing the truth of our beliefs. The litmus test, if you will.

So what does that mean for me? For you? For me, it means that I am still in a quandary about which face in the mirror is mine. Do I believe the face *I* see? Or the face others see?

And that is why I ask of you today:

Namaste and peace to all of you today,